She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
