i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
