2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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