If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
