Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
