i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
