So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
