i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
