the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
