Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize