I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
