Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
