i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
