OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
