Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
