Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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