I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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