I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
