im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
