Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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