The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
