East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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