Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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