Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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