my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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