So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
