I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize