Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
