He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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