My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
