The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
