I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She's the barista slut.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
