so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
