some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
