I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
