Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
