I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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