16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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