I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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