swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
