You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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