I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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