I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
