Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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