the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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