Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
