I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
false alarm. still invincible.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
