Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
