Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
