Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize