it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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