Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
