my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
