Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
