i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
this hospital has no fireball
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
