did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i already hear my dad disowning me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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