I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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