I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
