I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
