honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
