dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
