Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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