who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
