Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
