he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize