I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
