Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
