i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
