I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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