Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
