Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
