I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
