Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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