in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i think i have two assholes
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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