I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
