His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize