Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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