Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize