Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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