I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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