too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
