Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize