well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
