Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
