At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
