also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this boner is exhausting
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
