I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
