Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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