Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
