My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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