oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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