I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
