come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
