You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
