Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize