If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm bleeding and have questions
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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