Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
