Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
