shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
