Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
