You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
