Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
