just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
