you would pick up someone in the library
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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