what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we're making bets on your personal life
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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