Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
