dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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