I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
