I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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