Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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