The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
