I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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