I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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