my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
