I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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