He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
